I think im going to throw up on grandma
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
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