who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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