My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
