yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
