I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
