I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Randomize
