I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
