It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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