i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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