no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
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Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
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