I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize