i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
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