with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
