Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
