My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
