Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
