Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
