stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
