YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
