After last night, I could never be a politician.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
