you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
