Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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