you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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