Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i think i have herpe
just one?
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
