I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
