great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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