the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
