Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
