NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
