in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
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