Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
The police scanner is talking about you again....
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
