He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
