My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
