Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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