i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
