Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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