you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
