I molested 6 butterflies tonight
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
