i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
