that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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