i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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