I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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