The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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