And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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