you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
