what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
