In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
