I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
