How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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