He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
