I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
