Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
