I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
