Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Randomize
