dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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