I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
