I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
