...so i touched it.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
