life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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