Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
