i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
