My hand turned me down
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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