how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
