she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
