Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
His hands were made for my vagina.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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