a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
