Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
