Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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