so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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