Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
