then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
She's like a pop up book from hell.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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