Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
